Seeds of Confusion - Jim’s New Blog

Today I’m starting a new blog, sort of a companion piece to New Wineskins. It’s about how all the change in the world presents both peril and possibility for the future of church and society. But whatever happens, it will be confusing and difficult to adapt to. I’ll analyze the ways I see rapid change affecting individuals, families, congregations, communities, and the larger world.

Please check it out! Below is the link to the actual blog, as well as the text of my first post on it.

https://seedsofconfusion2.blogspot.com/2018/12/seeds-of-confusion-jims-next-blog.html

Wild Things is a movie that careens through a mind-boggling series of plot twists and character surprises. The film starts simply enough, depicting the arrest and trial of a young male high school teacher who gets accused of rape by the teenage daughter of a wealthy local businessman. In the courtroom, however, the riveting plot twists begin.

We learn that the teenage girl concocted a false accusation, because she has been secretly in love with him and is jealous over the teacher’s relationship with a former student from the wrong side of town. 

Soon, however, we learn that all three of these characters are in cahoots, and they have agreed to split the money from a lawsuit that the teacher files against the girl’s father for having his career ruined. 

And that’s only the beginning of the deceptions and the surprises.

By the end of the film, we learn that former student (who has an IQ over 200) has engineered this entire scheme, which also involves a local policeman and a personal injury lawyer. The audience doesn’t know this, however, until the final scene - when both the teacher and the policemen are killed, and the genius former student splits the money with the shifty attorney.

Now if you didn’t follow all that, don’t worry. I had to watch the film three times before I understood what had happened. It’s very confusing when people are not who they seem to be, when roles are constantly shifting, when loyalties are violated, and when one is never sure of another’s intentions.

In sixteen years of ordained ministry, I have sometimes experienced church communities that function like this dubious band of conspirators. 

No, not literally. But I have found myself swimming in mind-boggling situations and shifting narratives that are just as confusing - even if they aren’t conscious conspiracies. In fact, confusion in the church is the theme of this new blog. 

What I have been noticing is that as we move from one historical era to the next  (from modernity and Christendom into whatever is coming), is that many of us feel like the characters in Wild Things, or least like a first-time viewer trying to figure out what the heck is going on.

Roles are changing. Loyalties are shifting. What we were convinced was foundational to our story now no longer makes sense. 

In Wild Things, one watches for 30 minutes thinking it will be a movie about a young teacher fighting to prove his innocence. But it turns out to be something completely different. That is how many of us in the church are beginning to feel, and we are struggling to keep up with the new narratives.

In this blog, I will seek to unpack the perils and possibilities of this shifting landscape.

The discussion will be framed by the dichotomy of individual confusion (brought by anxiety, fear, and grief) and cultural confusion (brought on my political and economic instability). Ultimately, I will point toward a larger historical process and how the cycle of disorganization and reorganization moves us forward.

Admittedly, my particularity as a 45 year-old straight male Presbyterian pastor in the South will color this analysis. So will a few other aspects of who I am that I will reveal in future posts. 

I encourage you to read along and share your thoughts. I hope it doesn’t get too confusing. 

You Can't Eat Money: A Thought Experiment

Let’s do a thought experiment:

Imagine that you are hungry. You walk into a grocery store and see a wide array of foods available. You pick up a few items to satiate your hunger, and then you proceed to the checkout line. The clerk scans your items, then asks for your payment. 

At this point, you realize that you don’t have any money. He says that you’ll have to leave the items there and exit the store. But you’re really hungry, so you pick up the food and walk toward the door. 

The clerk yells after you, then alerts the manager. The manager runs up and reminds you that you can’t take the food if you didn’t pay for it. She offers to take it back inside for you. But you ignore her and keep walking. 

The manager yells to a police officer, who is stationed just outside the door. The police officer physically blocks you from leaving the stores, and takes the food away from you. He then puts you in handcuffs and takes you away to jail.

In this scenario, what is it that prevents you from getting the food that you need? Most people would say that it was your lack of money. But looked at from a different point of view, it was actually the decisions by three people - the clerk, the manager, and the police officer - that denied you what you needed.

Or to put it more positively, what could have allowed you to get the meal you needed? Any of those three people could have let you take the food if they had so chosen. Or, another party could have intervened, such as the next customer in the checkout line offering to put the food on their bill.

The point of this thought experiment is to get us thinking about what money really is, and why it is one of the main chains that limits our human freedom. Obviously, money is a means to an end. We all know that we can't eat money. Its only a form of exchange that allows us to get what we need. 

Nonetheless, it seems we tend to think about money as an absolute entity, even though it isn't. The notion that one must have certain pieces of paper, or certain little discs of metal, or a certain plastic card, or a certain number - it's not a notion based on the natural order of the world. 

Money is not a reality of creation, like the weather or the law of gravity, that we must contend with whether we want to or not. We created this system of money that governs and oppresses so many, and we are the ones who everyday make the decisions that sustain this system - decisions like the clerk and the manager demanding payment, and the police officer physically imprisoning someone who violates the rules of the system. 

That being said, I’m not recommending that we all go in to a grocery store today and try to walk out without paying for our food. And I’m not recommending that clerks, managers, and police officers stop doing their jobs and risk getting fired. This is the system that we have, and as flawed as it may be, our well-being still depends on it.

What I do hope is that we can see how money is a chain that we impose on ourselves, and how a large part of our movement toward freedom requires us to grapple with this chain. Perhaps we will never have a society where we are free from the idea of money, but we can reshape our attitudes and habits toward it to allow for greater and more comprehensive human flourishing. 

Some questions to help us think about money in larger ways than this grocery store scenario:  

1) How do we decide what to do with our lives, where to spend our time and our passions? How predominant is making money in these decisions?

2) How does our concern over affording cars and houses, paying for children’s education, and saving for retirement affect these life decisions? How is our human freedom and potential limited by this chain of financial need?

3) What does the illustration of the grocery store and the customer with no money show us about how there might be a better way to think about and structure our economy? If it’s not money, what is it that really prevents human beings from a more just and free way of providing each other what we need to live and to flourish?

Chaplain - Chapter 2: The Coach

The night before the chaplain's breakfast, I took the boys to soccer practice. I'm the assistant coach, and one of my jobs is to get the kids organized and focused on the task at hand.

We stepped onto the field at 6:45, just as the lights kicked on. It was one of the first truly cool days of fall, and I pulled on my sweatshirt as the kids got in line for their drills. The mood was light, as the coed group of 12 and 13 yr-olds seemed more interested in chatting and flirting than listening to their coaches.

After a mild lecture about taking practice seriously, I sent the kids on a lap as I stepped back and took in the beauty of the soccer complex at dusk. Against the auburn relief of the sunset, the upper fields appeared to me as a military training ground, as if the kids weren't just preparing for Saturday's game.

The regimentation, the discipline, and the team-building suddenly felt as if they were being taught for a deeper purpose. I recalled the bit of English wisdom that World War II was won on the playing fields of Eaton, and for a moment I lost myself in the fantasy that we were preparing these children for a similarly noble cause.

As my elder son Nathan ran past, leading his team to conclude their lap, I envisioned him going off to war in a few years. The romanticism of the notion evaporated.

Turning around toward the parking lot, I saw Coach Michael finally arrive. Michael was a few years younger than me, a mortgage banker with two boys of his own. Suffering from a bone condition in his feet, he hobbled across the field as he outlined the practice agenda for me. Today we would focus on through balls and crossing.

As the kids went through their stretching routine, Michael and I had time to catch up.

"How it's going?" I inquired.

"Just another day in paradise," Michael lied as he grimaced again. He never complained about his feet, but it was obvious when he was hurting.

"What's new with you?"

"I'm going to be a first responder chaplain." (I had decided earlier that day to accept Frank's offer.)

"Is that like a pastor for cops and firemen?"

"Yep. I'm excited about it. I've never done anything like this before."

"My dad was a fireman. Growing up, all my friends thought he was really awesome, but it was weird for me. He never talked about it. Just came home and was really quiet sometimes."

"Yeah, I've heard that's often the case."

"And he drank a lot. And not in the fun way, if you know what I mean."

"That must have been tough on your mom."

"Yeah it was. Especially when he was killed in a fire. I was 14 at the time."

Before I could respond, Michael stepped away to set up the next drill. I made a mental note to finish that conversation sometime.

The rest of the practice went well. The kids got focused, and I got energized, running back and forth down the sideline showing each one how to run the "give-and-go" and set up a cross. When time was up, the kids went home tired, but better soccer players.

As I walked off the field, Coach Michael sat on the bleachers. He was trying to joke with some parents, but my pastoral instinct told me was struggling with something internal. I wondered if the conversation about his father was affecting him.

I waited around for a few minutes, but he kept on with his comedy routine, and I had to go. As I was getting in my van, he yelled at me, "I think it's great what you're doing with the first responders. Takes a lot of courage."

The remark puzzled me. The ones actually risking their lives have the courage. I was just going to be a sympathetic ear.

Chaplain - Chapter 1: A Good Contact

We had never met, but when I stepped inside the diner, I suspected the man in the corner booth was the man I had come to meet.

He was an older gentleman, neatly groomed, and wearing a black golf shirt with “chaplain” embroidered in yellow on the left breast. He recognized me immediately and waved me over. For the first 20 minutes, the conversation was predictable enough. 

I’m a pastor, starting a new church in an exploding suburban development, and I had been referred to “Chaplain Frank” by the local fire chief. The week before, I had contacted the chief to see if his department would participate in a church-sponsored event honoring first responders. The chief agreed, and dispatched Frank to be the liaison.

Frank was warm and precise in his comments, giving me helpful advice about fire department culture and how to approach such an event. When he was done, we began to share about our backgrounds and interests in ministry.

Frank was a retired Air Force Pilot, a successful businessman, and devoted Anglican lay leader. He was helping start a new church, too, and had lately gotten involved as a first responder chaplain, providing comfort and counsel to local fire fighters, police, and EMS personnel.

It was a good meeting, but nothing out of the ordinary. Simply another good contact in the community.

A week later, Frank wanted to meet again. We talked about the First Responders event for a few minutes, but then his demeanor got more serious.

“Jim, after we me the first time, I felt a nudge. And over the years, I’ve learned to follow my nudges. Have you ever considered becoming a chaplain?”

“Not really.”

“Well, I think you should consider it. I can’t put my finger on it, but talking with you last week, I got the sense you might be good at it. And it’s a powerful ministry.”

I was immediately hesitant.

“I don’t know. I’m already so busy with the new church...”

“I hear that. And I understand that you can’t do everything people,ask you to. I’m just putting the idea into your head.”

“So what exactly does a first responder chaplain do?”

“It’s simple. When there’s a fire, or an accident, or a shooting, or whatever. You get a call, and you show up on the scene. And you’re a pastor. You know what to do.”

“Is that all? Go be a pastoral presence when tragedy strikes?”

“It’s also about building relationships. Did you know that many fire fighters, and most police officers, have no faith community they belong to? When they reach a crisis point because of what they see day in and out, they have little support to turn to beyond their families and each other.”

“So a chaplain might be their only connection to God?”

“Precisely. Just give it a thought. I’m going to a breakfast meeting for the chaplains group downtown next Tuesday. Join me if you want to get a better idea of what this is all about.”

I left the diner feeling flattered, but mostly certain I would not become a chaplain. I did value having a contact with Frank, however, and decided I would go the breakfast with him. That’s when everything began to turn itself upside down.

The 13 Chains, With A Biblical Overlay

(I am taking yesterday’s blogpost and overlaying references from the Bible for each of the “13 Chains That Bind Us.” The vision is something similar to a biology book where the human body systems are depicted in overlapping clear plastic pages. This allows the teaching to be read from a specifically Christian perspective or from another perspective.)

Freedom is obtained when we find our way out of the chains that bind us and restrict our understanding of reality. Below are 12 significant chains that I have been bound by, and that I see restricting others. It is by no means an exhaustive list, but rather a starting point for awareness building.

Money

The 90’s band The Verve said it best in their hit song “Bittersweet Symphony”:

“It's a bittersweet symphony, this life.

Try to make ends meet

You're a slave to the money

Then you die.”

Enough said for now.

“No slave can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.”

- Luke 16:13

“Success”/Hard Work/Busyness

For many in Western culture, this is THE chain that binds (in conjunction with “money.”) How many spend most of the days of their adult lives putting on uncomfortable clothes, fighting traffic, and slaving away for 8-12 hours at a job they don’t enjoy and resent? Once this chain in broken, the flow of freedom accelerates.

“Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them... Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. They neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these.”

- Matthew 6: 26, 28

Physical Insecurity

The world can certainly be a dangerous place. But anxiety over potential injury or death can bind us and limit us. This is a tricky category, and finding the balance that nurtures greater freedom in the context of relative safety is a lifelong challenge.

“God is our refuge and our strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, through the earth should change, thou the mountains shake in the heart of the sea, through the waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble with its tumult.”

- Psalm 46: 1-3

Low Self-Esteem/Self-Confidence

Believing you can do something doesn’t guarantee that you can do it. But believing that you can’t do it certainly means that you won’t. Especially if you believe that the reason you can’t is because of a personal flaw or deficiency. Breaking this chain is often the very first step on the path toward greater freedom.

“I came to you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling. My speech and my proclamation were not with plausible words of wisdom, but with a demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom but on the power of God.”

- I Corinthians 2: 3-5 

Body Image

For women (and increasingly for men), the “low self-esteem” chain is often coupled with struggles with body image. Even those who are considered good-looking can be driven by internal anxieties over their appearance that limit greater freedom.

“So God created humankind in God’s image... male and female God created them... God saw everything that God had created, and indeed, it was very good.”

- Genesis 1: 27, 31

Sexual Repression

Too much here for one paragraph. This is a huge barrier to freedom in American culture, tied in with a number of other categories.

(I have yet to find a good Biblical reference for this category. The traditional view of sex and sexuality that has been found on Christianity is one of the big chains that limits freedom. More will be said on this topic.)

Fear of Death

Related to physical safety, but in a less immediate way. “What happens to me after I die?” This simple question that every child thinks to ask drives some of our deepest anxieties, especially when it comes to religious belief.

“I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe with me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes with me will never die.”

- John 11: 25-26

Fear of A Relationship Ending

Most powerfully in romantic and marriage relationships, but also in parent-child and other types of relationships. Co-dependency creates the sense that one’s well-being and happiness is dependent on another person, which creates extremely limiting anxieties when that relationship is threatened. Greater freedom is found in cherishing relationships, but also understanding that we will be OK should one come to an end.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”

- Ecclesiastes 1:1

Patriotism/Nationalism

Perhaps the most relevant example of ultimate loyalty being given to a non-absolute, human created entity. Nations may be useful as political tools, but they only exist in our collective minds. The fact that many are willing to make their national identity their primary identity, and even die for their country, indicates a huge chain that limits our path to freedom. Ironic, huh?

“Give to the emperor the things that are the emperor’s, and to God the things that are God’s.”   - Mark 12:17

“Whether we live or whether we die, we belong to the Lord.”  - Romans 14: 6

Consumerism

In the relative affluence of modern Western culture, many have come to believe that self-worth and a sense of security depends on the material possessions that are owned. Our consumerism binds us into attitudes of selfishness and anxiety over losing our “stuff.” Greater freedom lies not necessarily in a life of poverty, but in an attitude toward material goods that is more giving and non-attached.

“There is still one thing lacking. Sell all that you own and distribute the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then, come follow me.”

- Luke 18:22

“What Others Think About Me”

Many never grow past the adolescent hyper-awareness of what “other people are thinking about me” that drives so much insecurity. Even those who have reached a place of greater awareness can fall back into this heightened social anxiety in certain contexts. When we realize that most of the people we meet in the world are wrapped up in their own concerns and aren’t thinking about us at all, these invisible chains give way to a startling realization of freedom and opportunity.

“Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked.”

• Genesis 3: 7

Expectations From Others

Related to “what others think about me,” but in a more personal and long-term sense. What our parents hoped we would do with our life. The things our spouse would like to change about us. The level of productivity the boss demands. These expectations are real, but they can bind us if we don’t learn to self-differentiate and operate out of our own sense of self-worth and purpose.

“The human mind may devise many plans, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will be established.”  - Proverbs 19: 21

Permanent Adolescence

Again, too much to say in one paragraph. Except that we are more and more becoming a society of adults who are emotional adolescents. A huge chain that feeds into many of these other categories.

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.”

- I Corinthians 13:11

13 Chains That Bind Our Lives And Limit Our Freedom

L
Freedom is obtained when we find our way out of the chains that bind us and restrict our understanding of reality. Below are 12 significant chains that I have been bound by, and that I see restricting others. It is by no means an exhaustive list, but rather a starting point for awareness building.

Money

The 90’s band The Verve said it best in their hit song “Bittersweet Symphony”:

“It's a bittersweet symphony, this life.

Try to make ends meet

You're a slave to the money

Then you die.”

Enough said for now.

“Success”/Hard Work/Busyness

For many in Western culture, this is THE chain that binds (in conjunction with “money.”) How many spend most of the days of their adult lives putting on uncomfortable clothes, fighting traffic, and slaving away for 8-12 hours at a job they don’t enjoy and resent? Once this chain in broken, the flow of freedom accelerates.

Physical Insecurity

The world can certainly be a dangerous place. But anxiety over potential injury or death (especially at the hands of an attacker) can bind us and limit us. This is a tricky category, and finding the balance that nurtures greater freedom in the context of relative safety is a lifelong challenge.

Low Self-Esteem/Self-Confidence

Believing you can do something doesn’t guarantee that you can do it. But believing that you can’t do it certainly means that you won’t. Especially if you believe that the reason you can’t is because of a personal flaw or deficiency. Breaking this chain is often the very first step on the path toward greater freedom.

Body Image

For women (and increasingly for men), the “low self-esteem” chain is often coupled with struggles with body image. Even those who are considered good-looking can be driven by internal anxieties over their appearance that limit greater freedom.

Sexual Repression

Too much here for one paragraph. This is a huge barrier to freedom in American culture, tied in with a number of other categories.

Fear of Death

Related to physical safety, but in a less immediate way. “What happens to me after I die?” This simple question that every child thinks to ask drives some of our deepest anxieties that bind us, especially when it comes to religious belief.

Fear of A Relationship Ending

Most powerfully in romantic and marriage relationships, but also in parent-child and other types of relationships. Co-dependency creates the sense that one’s well-being and happiness is dependent on another person, which creates extremely limiting anxieties when that relationship is threatened. Greater freedom is found in cherishing relationships, but also understanding that we will be OK should one come to an end.

Patriotism/Nationalism

Perhaps the most relevant example of ultimate loyalty being given to a non-absolute, human created entity. Nations may be useful as political tools, but they only exist in our collective minds. The fact that many are willing to make their national identity their primary identity, and even die for their country, indicates a huge chain that limits our path to freedom. Ironic, huh?

Consumerism

In the relative affluence of modern Western culture, many have come to believe that self-worth and a sense of security depends on the material possessions that are owned. Our consumerism binds us into attitudes of selfishness and anxiety over losing our “stuff.” Greater freedom lies not necessarily in a life of poverty, but in an attitude toward possessions that is more giving and non-attached.

“What Others Think About Me”

Many never grow past the middle school-age hyper-awareness of what “other people are thinking about me” that drives so much insecurity. Even those who have reached a place of greater awareness can fall back into this heightened social anxiety in certain contexts. When we realize that most of the people we meet in the world are wrapped up in their own concerns and aren’t thinking about us at all, these invisible chains give way to a startling realization of freedom and opportunity.

Expectations From Others

Related to “what others think about me,” but in a more personal and long-term sense. What our parents hoped we would do with our life. The things our spouse would like to change about us. The level of productivity the boss demands. These expectations are real, but they can bind us if we don’t learn to self-differentiate and operate out of our own sense of self-worth and purpose.

Permanent Adolescence

Again, too much to say in one paragraph. Except that we are more and more becoming a society of adults who are emotional adolescents. A huge chain that feeds into many of these other categories.